Greetings Butterfly Nation!
I hope all is well where ever you are today.
Everything was well for me until this article got my wings in a bunch. Apparently, women are to blame for failed marriages. Yep, it’s all our fault!
Wait, let me say a few things before I get into it…..
As a Believer in the Way of Christ (Christian faith. I don’t actually like the term ‘Christian’, but it doesn’t bother me if others choose to use it) , one of the things that bothers me the most is that the Universal Protestant Church has no accountability. Because there are so many churches and so many denominations of the faith, whomever sits at the top of that individual organization, is the one in charge. The problem is that that the buck stops with that individual; and they have no other objective authority to submit to when they are out of line. There isn’t any one there to say, ‘hey, you are wrong’ or ‘maybe you need counseling or time off’ or whatever.
Yeah, some organizations have elder boards and the like, but normally those ‘boards’ refrain from taking real action against the leader-the one in the pulpit that’s bringing in the people. Occasionally some of these leaders get away with some things that they shouldn’t. And as a result, misinformation, misguidance, and offenses not only hurt individual church goers, but the entire faith.
Individual church hurt is common among all faiths. People trying to connect with a perfect god often confuse that god with the imperfections of man. My God is the God of unconditional love-I will never find that kind of love in a man. Yet, because God is intangible, and we are tangible beings, we look for tangible confirmations of who He is; so we turn to tangible men to fulfill what we believe is our need. And when that tangible person does not live up to our intangible God, we are often hurt.
**That’s why I always encourage people to remember that they are more than physical beings. We are made of of 3 parts: Soul, Spirit and Body. I’ve discussed this many times on AC 165 Radio, and I will continue with Wholistic Health on the new Simply Steen show; so listen for it. But I wanted to mention it here so that you can understand my point. And that is: Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater!” In other words, don’t let the stupidity of man deter you from connecting with God.
The “world hurt” comes in when Christian leaders, especially those in the spotlight, say and/or do things that are out of character with what Jesus actually taught. As a result, the world and the universal church suffers. How? The Church suffers because it creates division within the church and the world turns off not only the Church but Jesus as a whole. That ‘turn off’ keeps them from experiencing the truth of who Jesus was, is and can be in their lives.
There is one particular leader that has my wings ruffled today-Pat Robertson. Normally, I ignore what he says. I don’t watch his show. But because we are smack dab in the middle of a war on women, I have to address his statements.
On his most recent show, the 83 year old Robertson stated that it is women’s fault that men cheat. It is the woman’s responsibility to keep a man interested, because men tend to wander.
Here is the dialogue:
The infamous evangelist was responding to a letter he had received from a woman called Ivy, who had admitted to struggling with forgiveness.
‘We have gone to counseling, but I just can’t seem to forgive, nor can I trust. How do you let go of the anger? How do you trust again?’ she wrote.
Robertson, known for his forthright views on a wide range of topics including homosexuality and politics, didn’t beat around the bush with his answer.
‘Here’s the secret,’ he said. ‘Stop talking the cheating. He cheated on you, well, he’s a man.
Instead of focusing on the misdemeanor, Robertson told the woman to remind herself why she married her spouse and then fall in love with him all over again.
‘Does he provide a home for you to live in,’ he said. ‘Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he nice to the children… Is he handsome?’
On a roll, Robertson offered further anecdotal advice on the ‘tendency of man.’
‘Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit,’ Robertson said. ‘What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.’
Robertson also reminded the woman that it wasn’t really the man’s fault he had cheated because modern society is filled with so much temptation such as the internet ‘filled with pornography’ and magazine full of ‘salacious’ pictures.
‘Thank God that you have a marriage that is together and that you live in America and good things are happening,’ said Robertson.
Here are my questions:
Dear Mr. Robertson, in what Bible did you get this wisdom about women and marriage? Where did Jesus excuse a man’s adultery? Where, in the Great Book, is it said that women are the sole responsible parties to a successful marriage? And please, sir, provide chapter and verse….
Sometimes the greatest temptation in the world to over come is the desire to curse out a church leader…..
First of all, the woman is seeking advice on forgiveness and he didn’t offer her any. What he did is offer excuses for her husband to be a cheater! Who cares what he does as long as you have a home, nice clothes to wear, good kids and he’s cute. REALLY? Is that all there is to marriage? I know he’s old, but he must know by now that a woman can buy her own house, pay her own bills, buy her own food and take care of her kids all by herself!
On the flip side, what if SHE is the sole bread winner in the house and he is Mr. Mom? That is a real scenario here. What should she do then? Keep taking care of his sorry cheating arse because he’s handsome?
This entire response is archaic and deplorable AND not a correct response from a pastor or church leader, or whatever he claims to be. None of what he said was Biblical. Does it need to be? Absolutely! If you are in a position of ministering to or providing counsel to others, based on your faith and your position, it is your DUTY to keep it Biblical!
It goes back to that ‘tangible’ thing I was talking about earlier. When we pray, it is hard to hear God; so we seek the counsel of others we believe have the knowledge, experience, wisdom, discernment and clarity to advise us. His job is not to give his personal opinions. His job is to assess the situation from a Biblical stand point.
This is where accountability needs to come in. This woman, whom I hope does not take this idiotic advice and repress her feelings and her pain or give her husband a free pass to continue in his ways, was given the wrong advice . Someone in the same position as Mr. Robertson needs to tap this dude on the should and say, ‘hey, you are wrong and you need to fix this.’ Because not only is this going to effect this woman but many more like her who, for some reason, trust this man’s advice. Further, he just gave a whole bunch of Christian men the excuse to cheat. That is not acceptable! That is not what Jesus taught nor what God allows.
So, if Mr. Robertson is wrong, then what advice should this woman be given?
I did a show 2 years ago on forgiveness and unforgiveness. It’s still available just click the link and it will take you to it: Finding Forgiveness
In addition to that, here are a few things:
First and foremost, stay in counseling or get into some. These are just a few tips that I give those I counsel. These are not to be taken as counseling.
Forgiveness is not for the other person, forgiveness is for YOU! The only one who hurts when we don’t forgive is the one holding on to it. Let it go has to be your daily goal. It will take some time but it will happen. Remember these 3 things:
1.) It’s not your fault. Regardless of what you did or didn’t do; if a person is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. The opportunity was there and he/she had a willing partner. Flat out! You had nothing to do with it.
2.) Forgiving does not mean you are giving this person an excuse to hurt you. You are not pardoning the individual. Nor does forgiveness mean that you are naive or vulnerable or foolish. Get those things out of your head right now. Forgiveness means you want to move forward in your life; nothing else.
3.) Unforgiveness causes illness. You know the saying ‘sick with worry?’ That is a true statement. Unforgiveness, if left to settle in us for a long time will cause a root of bitterness that can manifest itself in many different ways; including illnesses. Again, forgiveness is about you and you can’t allow whatever happened to cause you anymore damage.
1.) It takes time. Trust will not happen over night so don’t expect it to. To re-establish your trust, take small steps. Purpose daily not to let the past be your present or your future. What the person did is done-past tense. Over. Don’t allow yourself to think about it. If it comes up in your mind, find a blocker. You can immediately dismiss it or you can do something like sing a song to get it out of your mind. If it does come into your mind, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just do what you need to do to get it out of your head.
Be an open book and create an atmosphere for openness. Don’t be afraid to be truthful and allow your spouse the same freedom. Where there is truth, there is liberty! Sometimes our distrust feeds off of fear. That is why an open atmosphere will help. The person may not be doing something sinister, they’re afraid to tell you what’s going on or what’s on their mind or even how they feel because they don’t feel free enough to. You feel and/or sense that fear and it feeds your distrust. Normally it’s nothing. But, we make it more than it needs to be. If something comes upsets either of you, talk about it. Openness and communication are imperative to a trusting relationship.
1.) Once you begin to rebuild your trust the anger will dissipate. As you start to forget and forgive, then the anger will loose it’s hold over you.
I could go on and on, but that is why counseling on an individual level is important to get the specific attention that you and/or your relationship needs.
Final though: I would also like to say to anyone who has been hurt by the Church or any religion for that matter, don’t give up on God. Don’t let the foolishness of man deter you from a life of wholeness. Keep seeking Him and He will find you!
OK, Vent CLOSED! LOL.
Love and Butterfly Kisses!